Why start this creative project now? well – Why not?
Actually – that’s a great place to start.
Why not:
- people will think its weird.
- you don’t have time for more hobbies or projects.
- nobody will read it.
- the people who do read it might think differently of you.
- it seems vain.
- your writing sucks.
that’s a pretty compelling list of why not. oddly enough, the reasons why are almost exact rebuttals to the above. I’ll break it down.
people will think it’s weird.
People think a lot of things. in high school through the early parts of my married life i used to live by the mantra “i do not care what people think about me.” It was a bold and courageous way to live – or so i thought. it made me callous, arrogant, and often times a downright ass. I’m not sure where exactly that changed over time but eventually it slowly evolved from “i do not care what people think about me” into “i’ll act like i do not care what people think about me but my actions show that i definitely do care what people think about me.“
I don’t like that evolution. I like the change that came with it: more compassion, more humility, higher-than-before-but-still-laughably-lacking-empathy, more kindness. But i don’t like being beholden to other’s opinions of me. there needs to be a middle ground. change is tough, but if we aspire to be something we’re not, or somewhere we can envision but not see then something’s gotta give. change has to come. if you’re worried about what people will think about the changes that you’re making in your life, it will dampen your resolve to make them. I’m doing this not because of what people will think, but in spite of that.
you don’t have time for more hobbies or projects.
that’s a solid point; one my wife would probably be quick to point out if she were one for nagging. thankfully, she’s supportive of me to the point of questionable judgement (who will ground us from these lofty ideals!?). While my time is limited due to an unusually high number of hobbies and half-finished-barely-started projects (I’m procrastinator, you know?), the nice thing about this site and the content I’m writing here is that i’m not beholden to any deadlines, no post length commitments, no set time I have to work on it. So i don’t have time for more commitments, true. but i’ve got a little time here and there to write. but if I write, what if
nobody will read it.
That’s part of the beauty. I’m not writing this for you – who may or may not be reading this or every other backlog of posts I’ve ever put here (hi mom!) – I’m writing this for me. I’m writing this because I wanted a way to put organize my thoughts and practice a little bit of self reflection. If nobody ever reads it then it still serves its purpose. Besides, as of today, nobody in the world except my wife knows the thing exists. so how could I expect them to read it? That may change. I may post a link some day, I might tell my friends, or I might set up an email account and start using the url for more than a blog. for now though it’s just a space for me put thoughts out into the ether.
the people who read it might think differently of you.
good. have you ever heard the phrase “the people who care don’t matter, and the people who matter don’t care?” I heard that once from a stranger on a plane while a kiddo of mine was crying and it really stuck with me. The people who change their opinion of me because of the things they may read here will be changing their opinions to align with the more authentic version of me. If their opinion of me was shaped by who they thought i was, only to uncover through my ramblings who I actually am, then their opinion of me was not formed in truth.
the people closest to me in my life have their own opinions of my character and my mindsets and my ever-changing points-of-view which they formed through years of interaction. Some of them still like me. if expressing my thoughts and rambling opinions causes someone to come to know a more authentic version of me then that alone is a good outcome. I can’t help the fact – or at least I don’t mind the fact – that they may not like the real me. I’m not for everyone. I have my closest community of both family and friends that I cherish and wish I had more time for in my life. I don’t have the capacity to worry about the person who thinks less of me because I turned off capitalization on my blog.
it seems vain.
it probably is. that’s not my intent – but neither your perception nor my intention have sole ownership on what’s real.
your writing sucks.
you’re probably a smart reader. you probably understood the crux of what my rebuttal would be to this one when it was listed up above. but i’ll share it anyways.
The only way to improve something that we want to improve is to practice. On a list of goals that I’ve got written down somewhere (note to self: post that list) “write a book?” is on there. I’m a reader. I read a lot of books. Mostly I listen to a lot of books (you know: how oral traditions were handed down for 1000s of years before the printing press? get off your high horse, you audiobook hater), but I do read with my eyes as well. I’d consider myself a pretty harsh critic of content created for entertainment purposes.
Is the writing bad in this book? No thanks. Acting bad in a movie? next. poetry bland and unoriginal? I’ll pass.
if I looked objectively at the things i’ve written here, i’d probably say my own writing sucks. I’ll let you in on a little secret though: I don’t proofread or do any edits. for me that’s the sinister procrastination I long for. so I just publish the moment i finish and move on to the next. I don’t know how objectively bad it is because I don’t read it much outside of the first pass. regardless though, assuming it is bad – it’s important to me that i improve it. why? two reasons:
1: I’m driven to improve. Something about the constant battle with my past self has always been a really great motivator. My past self was able to do XYZ? Great! Today I’ll strive for XYZ+1. It’s a little unusual thinking about this though because I’m not one to be known for competitive drive. I don’t need to be the best in the group. I don’t need to beat my peers. I don’t think much about them. I just need to be the best version of myself I can be. Right now, in this project, that means improving my writing while improving my self awareness.
2: ai. Maybe a little unexpected turn here. I use generative AI and llms constantly. They make me more efficient, I’m generally a tech nerd, and I also think someday there’s a chance it will end humanity. But short of that somewhat substantial flaw, I like the technology. The problem I see with it is that my own skills in communicating with others will take a nose dive if I don’t force myself to draw some hard lines in the sand. That’s why I decided that this blog will be au naturale. zero generative ai in any capacity. no help with content, no help with outlines. nothing.
Also, I’m prepping for the very very near future where an ai agent will be able to digest all the content I’ve produced to imitate my writing style (for better or worse) more accurately. I said this site wouldn’t use ai – but that doesn’t mean I am not interested in using it for every future email correspondence ever…
So in conclusion. Ah, nevermind. We’ve already established my writing needs work. We’ll leave this one here.
‘Publish’